So really, what about this loneliness?
Jag har en känsla av när jag säger för mycket. Jag hatälskar svenskan och filosofin på det sättet. Jag märker sådant. När jag blir missförstådd (åh Joy Division, vilken tid fanns ni?) och när jag inte ens får avsluta min mening så att jag blir missförstådd. Fast det förstås, det kan ju ta ett tag. Men hata inte, snälla du. Det finns inte plats för det. Stridens skönhet och sorg kan man kalla allt det där.
The pretence is not what restricts me, it's the circles inside. But we can't get back from here, we can get away.
Ja, fast sedan handlar det om annat också. Såklart, vad är det jag försöker förvänta mig? Om jag kunde, skulle jag segla iväg. Tänk att segla iväg. Eller om jag orkade, så skulle jag springa. Om jag orkade...
Och vad är det jag försöker med det här egentligen? Att få medlidande? Nej, det var inte meningen. (ja, men försök du!) Att verka smart? Nej, jag kan ju inte veta någonting, det är ju det jag tror på. Att vi inte vet något. Och varför försöker jag urskulda mig själv nu då? Det går inte hur jag än vrider och vänder på det.
But if my life is just a big joke, why should you care? Fast jag tror inte på det. Åh, Interpol, vad hade jag blivit utan dem? Vad hade jag blivit av ett dammkorn? Mmmmm...
We sail today
Tears drown in the wake of delight
There's nothing like this built today
You'll never see a better ship in your life
Along the way
The sea will crowd us with lovers at night
There's nothing like this built today
You'll never see a finer ship
Or receive a better tip in your life.
(that is supposing that you don't sleep tonight).
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I wish I could live free
Hope it's not beyond me
Settling down takes time
One day we'll live together
And life will be better
I have it here, yeah, in my mind
and they always say it better than i ever could. what am i doing here. how about just listen for a while and you know i'd rather not. what would i rather?
Settling down takes time
I listened to that song today, and it reminded me about feelings. How I once hadn't listened to music for a week, and listened to that song, and how the words just talked sense to me.
and why couldn't I realise it all by myself, why does somebody else have to tell me everything.
just doing something.
you'd rather not feel difference. you couldn't do that, could you. det tar tid, vad det nu än är.
and I'm sitting in the library right now talking with a person a friend! and i even think it might be better than the words to my favorite song.
it's like, this is what they're singing about! this is where those words come from, that's why it's so beautiful, that's why i cried all those times, this is real and i like this.
what if we really were alone?
It's amazing how I really have to think about what you mean, before I guess that I've understood.
It's so boring, otherwise, to always understand, directly, what a person says.
But to be honest, I didn't quite understand what you meant, when you said: "this is what they're singing about!" what did you mean that they were singing about?
yes. it's such a difference between being alone or feeling lonely.
but i seriously hate this feeling inside of me right now. don't even know when or where it came from. or where I should put it, once it's stuck.
I think if you understand right away what someone is saying then you're not really understanding, or else that person is not really saying anything.
But I'm all for clarity. I was sitting with a new friend, a person I am just getting to know, and we were talking about some really real stuff and it was kind of overwhelming. I haven't had that kind of connection with another person in a while and it was good.
When I listen to music I have a hard time understanding what they're singing about at times. Who are these people they knew, what drives this musician to sing about them so beautifully, where is this feeling coming from, are they just making it up, and so on. And I just felt at that moment that I could have made something out of it.
I think of myself as isolated, and maybe that's what's wrong. Maybe it's because I plan on being alone, I'll always be alone, my future is alone, when really solitude is a thing of the present, and I'm pretty sure I've been able to change. If anything I've been changing all the time. Why can't loneliness be so fleeting?
Yesterday I wrote about this feeling I hated, but today I'm not exactly sure what it felt like. I think it was impermanence itself, or maybe more like inconsistency, but it came across as this hate of insanity, or was it irrationality. God these words. The thing is, where did that feeling go? Or did it just get stirred up again in all the other feelings.
I'll have to think some more, in any case. Or?
sorry I wrote all this at you.
Yeah, you're definitely right about that.. But of course I can't know. It's a personal thing, and I know that whatever I say, I am the only one who really knows, knows what I mean.
I'm glad for you then, I think I've been in the same situation once. But still, not the same.
I've really wondered about the same things! Mostly about the lyrics of Belle and Sebastian, they are singing about those people all the time. I just get this desire to get to know them. Like Judy.
But how could you know anything about your future, when we can't know anything about now. Planerar du att vara ensam? Var det så du menade?
Jag vet egentligen inget om de där känslorna som bara uppstår. Ja, eller hur kan de försvinna om man aldrig riktigt gjorde något åt dem? Eller är det det man gör? Eller sköter någon annan om det? Och varför är de ibland så starka att man inte ens känner igen sig själv på grund av dem?
Och vad ska man tänka...
Not at all, I am sort of grateful that you shared... I know so little about people.
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