Wonderings in the night.

Sometimes I feel so lonely. Sometimes I feel so passive. I just want to do things that I never do. I wanna buy beautiful clothes, some that are too expensive, some that are to old to be sold in the stores I usually go to. I wanna have some of the clothes that Amanda has. I am so frustrated and jealous of her because I never find them. I guess I just have to go to more of those second-hand stores. I don't do that very often nowadays. I don't know why, really. I kind of don't like the Ants, and in one way or another, I think it's complicated to go to the Red Cross. The bus wants 30 swedish crowns from me, and I don't think that's fair, really. I kind of liked it better when I could pay only 15. It kind of came as a shock to me when I realized that the limit goes by the age of 17. I'm not really fond of that.
Anyway, sometimes I wish so hard that there was no such thing as jealously. But there really is. And now I really want long hair, but I don't have that, so, as a matter of fact, I'm gonna do something about that point right now. I am gonna let it grow. Let it grow, let it grow, grow, grow. This second time I am gonna complete my mission. I don't think it is gonna be that hard anyway, because you become so happy when you think you're done, and also, when you see that something really is happening up there. It's a feeling of joy. And I like joy.
But you see, soon it is Christmas, and then you can't feel anything but joy. I know certain can, let's not forget about them. But when the first snow comes, to know that there is gonna be snow on Christmas Eve, and that there will be no complications for a long time. That's so amazing for the human raze. You see that?
Anyway, I think everything is going to be fine. I want it to.
Just for once.